Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
