My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
