her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize