Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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