Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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