yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
