Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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