Princesses don't give blow jobs
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
