My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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