i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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