margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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