It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
