I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
