Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
