i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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