The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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