When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
