I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
