I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
