theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
