Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
