So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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