i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
