haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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