chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Congratulations! We have a period
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
