the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
