he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
