it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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