There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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