I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
