I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize