You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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