Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They are going to name an STD after you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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