After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
