Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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