shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Please don't give away my fajitas
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
