Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize