I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
