he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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