Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
