No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
