I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
