Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize