I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize