The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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