here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
