Screwed.edu
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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