I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
