Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She's the barista slut.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize