i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
