when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
