Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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