Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
