We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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