my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
