Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
