So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
