when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
