He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
