I'm eating all of the evidence.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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