i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
