I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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