And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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