i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize