.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
